It happened; a new year has started for me. Another turn around the sun. And more than a new calendar year, my birthday has always made me wonder how the next year is going to be different from the last. I used to think it all depended on events like moving and people in my life, who would go and who would stay and who would still be my friend by this time next year. My life, as I saw it, was controlled by external forces and reactions. And I was content with this; to just go along with everyone else as long as I had no strong objections. (Yes, I’m a middle child).
As I grew up I realized there were things I wanted to do, to explore and to try that only I wanted. No one else was interested in my interest. How was I ever supposed to make these things happen all by myself? No one telling me how. No one telling me what to do or what needed to be done and what came next. It was an “a-ha” moment or rather a rude awakening to grown-up life. I realized it was up to me to take the lead and follow through on the things I wanted to do whether I knew what I was doing or not. I had more input, more responsibility and more freedom in my life than I wanted to believe or even knew what to do with.
It took years for me to figure out that first I had to know what I was genuinely interested in pursuing and then I had to build the confidence, courage and conviction to go on that path. Some paths I just wanted to try and see. I knew I could always turn back or fork off from them. There were paths I gave up on too soon (lacking courage and confidence) but there were a few paths I felt strongly about taking, like homeschooling my children, and then the courage came easy. Some paths have a life altering consequences involved and they take the most courage.
Even when you have the confidence and courage traveling your path can be hard because as you may have noticed, not every path is a well marked trail. Some are overgrown and require more work to find the way and some paths have to be discovered. I have learned though that there are a couple of things you will need before you start out on your path; skills and timing.
Pure logistical, practical, how-to skills and the more vague skills or habits of self-discipline, organization and time management are needed to stay on course. Want to homeschool? You’ll need to learn about the legal stuff and different approaches to educating and then find resources; those are the practical how-tos. You then need to follow through and do the schooling, which, depending on your educational philosophy will take more or less of your time management and organizational skills.
Timing though is a little beyond your control but how you deal with it is in your control. Life happens around you and since you are not an island (granted some personalities are more of an island than others), you get pulled and pushed along with it. If you’re in a family, family things happen. Communities you belong to and your friends have needs of varying levels that are always changing. Natural disasters, you’re own health issues, financial lows and highs are all things that will affect your way and speed along the path. Sometimes they can derail you completely.
On my current path, the path to share my joy of and to help clarify the how-to’s of sewing, I’ve acquired enough practical skills so far to get me here and I keep trying to learn more. My timing this last year really threw me off my path. The family path and house path needed a lot of my attention. However it was my reaction to these other needs that made me lose my way.
I discovered, well, I always sort of knew, my weakest skills, are self-discipline, organization and time management. During our kitchen remodel, feeling overwhelmed, I threw out my routine (which is nothing but self-discipline and time management). That was sort of like throwing out the Swiss Army knife. My reaction was to immediately abandoned the one tool that could have helped with everything.
That was the start of letting the path become overgrown with vegetation and washed out in the rains. I lost sight of the big picture. A couple of months ago I thought about retreating and starting over on an easier path, maybe even a paved path, since this seemed too hard for me to make any distance on.
But a comment a friend made about her own situation made me realize it wasn’t the path I was on, it wasn’t even me being fundamentally flawed, it was that my inner skills were weak. They had atrophied from lack of use. They would always be weak no matter what path I took, easy or tough, until I practiced using them again. I remembered that bumper sticker, “No matter where you go, there you are.”
Well, decision made. I’m staying on my tougher but far more compelling path of sewing and blogging. It’s the path that calls my name and although the family path will always trump it I am resolved to make some headway on this trail even when my attention is diverted.
To get back to the beginning, how is this year going to be different? Well, I haven’t solved all the problems on the other paths. Some of those obstacles over there are still pretty big but I think I made a pretty good map. Here it is;
- I will remind myself how much joy I get from being on this path.
- I will work to strengthen my self discipline and time management by building habits and routines. Daunting because it will require self discipline.
- I will start saying “no” more often and saying “yes” more often (No, I can’t do that right now. Yes, leftovers are for dinner).
- I will work toward simplifying all areas of my life.
- I will relax more so I have energy for enforcing self discipline and to keep some balance in my life.
- I will create more because I love to and we should all do more of what we love (providing they are not self destructive or harmful to others).
- I will try to let go of things that need to be let go of.
- I will work on my path everyday, even if I can only move it an inch I’ll still be moving it.
I’m optimistic it’s going to be a good year and I hope your year is too.